Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
