just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
