This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
