My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Let's get the cat blown out
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
