dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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