The maid of honor just puked.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
