ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
