pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
