My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
