i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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