Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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