apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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