When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
A bitchslap is in order.
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