I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
