So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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