The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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