Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
