he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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