so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
