Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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