I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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