It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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