Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
