My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
