I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
