Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
