You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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