my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
How's work?
Spinning.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
