she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
