What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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