remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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