honey bunches of taint.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
