She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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