if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she told me i tasted like america
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
