Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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