went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
she told me i tasted like america
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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