so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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