This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
