I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
