could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
