Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
