Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Randomize
