look no pants
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
