Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
