so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
