my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
