3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
