if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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