Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
