you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
