make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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