shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
