I just saw a hot homeless man
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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